Conservative Affairs Read online

  A sheepish grin spread across Jo’s face. “Maybe,” she replied with a shrug. “But, in all seriousness, Gabe, I think she’d take it almost that far if that’s what was needed to get her programs passed.”

  “Do what we all do,” Gabe said. “Just go with it. Take it to the extremes she wants to take it. If we need to rein her in before the speech, we will. But it’s her career.”

  Jo never tired of this—the team ethic the mayor had engendered in the office. She was the new kid on the block—she’d been working for the mayor for less than a year, replacing someone who’d left for a job in DC—and most of the others had been there since the beginning of her term over three year ago, but people were still looking out for her. It felt good knowing they had her back—just as she had theirs. “Okay, thanks, Gabe. I’m going to ‘go with it.’”

  He patted her on the shoulder. “Go get ’em, tiger. Or attagirl. Or some cliché that’s supposed to make you want to grab the bull by the horns and seize the day.”

  She shook her head, laughing and thankful for phenomenal co-workers. “Thanks, crazy.”

  “Wait, they didn’t tell you?”

  “Tell me what?”

  “You’re in the nuthouse, sweetheart.” Gabe laughed at his own joke.

  “No, they didn’t mention it,” Jo quipped. “But the padded cell gave it away.” She gestured to her cubicle as she walked in that direction. Most days, it did feel like a psych ward here. Being overworked, underpaid and typically underappreciated was enough to drive any group of people insane.

  “One more thing, Jo.” Gabe had followed her to her desk.

  “Sure, what’s up?”

  “I like the speech as it is. I wish she didn’t want it to be more hateful.” His eyes were sincere, and suddenly Jo wished she could hug him.

  She didn’t think she could manage words, so she just nodded.

  “My brother is gay, you know?” He pitched his voice low, too soft for anyone else to hear.

  “No, Gabe, I didn’t. Does anyone else here know that?” She responded out of curiosity, hoping that her question didn’t come out sounding as judgmental in any way.

  He laughed. “No, ma’am, and they won’t, I trust.”

  “Oh, of course not. Your secret is safe with me. But I think it’s awesome that he has a supportive brother.”

  “Yeah, they don’t look too highly on that around here, unfortunately.”

  She felt like she was being issued a warning, even though she knew there was no possible way Gabe could know she was a lesbian. Still, she heard the message loud and clear. DO NOT SLIP UP.

  As the day passed, she felt the tension in her shoulders ease somewhat, but not enough. There was something unsettling about discussing “the gay lifestyle” with her boss and Gabe suddenly opening up about his gay brother. Jo wished it were a normal day—one in which the word “gay” never came up in conversation. Things were so much more comfortable in her nice little closet on days like that.

  She reviewed the computer screen in front of her, making last-minute edits and reading for tone. “The Bible defines marriage as between a man and a woman…As our society has become more accepting of the homosexual lifestyle, we have seen the traditional family dissipate…Gay marriage is not only wrong; it defies the principles upon which this nation was founded—and which still hold true today.”

  With each word she typed, a little piece of her heart chipped off and fell away. If only she could write what had come to mind when she was first crafting the speech: “BULLSHIT!” Instead she was choosing to save her job. She hit the print button and grabbed the sheets of paper as they shot out of the printer. Silently begging for this to be the last time she would have to look at it, Jo carried the revised speech to the mayor’s office and handed it to her.

  There was a “hmm,” an “mmhmm,” a “yes” and a “how about that?” Stratton was scanning the document as if she were sifting grains of sand on a beach.

  Finish the damn thing, Jo screamed inside her head.

  After what felt like an eternity, the mayor lifted her gaze to meet Jo’s. The deep blue in her eyes sparkled, and Jo’s heart turned over in her chest. Pretty eyes had always been Jo’s weakness. Come to think of it, though, Madeline Stratton also had a beautiful mouth. Full, soft lips and with perfect, impeccable, shining teeth that lit up a room any time she smiled.

  “Did you hear a word I said?” The mayor’s voice snapped her back to reality, only to make Jo realize she was biting her lip.

  SHIT!

  “Sorry,” Jo recovered quickly. “Long day.” She tried to get her emotions under control, hoping that her face didn’t show the panic going on in her head.

  The mayor laughed a genuine laugh, the kind Jo rarely heard escape from her lips. “I understand. We’ve all had those days.”

  Being rundown and overworked in a place like this was so common that everyone was able to get away with acting a little crazy now and then. Jo was thankful for that, especially in this moment.

  “So what was it you were saying?” Jo asked innocently.

  “Well, I said that I hope you are enjoying this speech because you get to spend another night with it.”

  “But it’s everything you asked for.” Normally, Jo wouldn’t challenge her boss, but she couldn’t bear the thought of writing one more homophobic sentence.

  “And what is that?” the mayor asked.

  “It affirms the constitutionality of defining marriage as solely between a man and a woman, the biblical basis for this definition, and most importantly it affirms your disapproval of the ‘gay lifestyle’ and the concept of same-sex marriage. It quotes the original Defense of Marriage Act and many other prominent figures who share your position. I really don’t know what more we can add without sounding like we literally want to burn gays and lesbians at the stake.”

  The mayor threw her arms up in mock surrender. “Easy, girl.” She smiled, and Jo felt her breath catch in her throat.

  “That’s all I wanted,” she continued. “I wanted you to claim it, to own it and to sell it to me. You did a damn good job on this one, Josephine. I’m proud to call you mine.”

  Like a child who had been chosen to receive a gold star sticker, Jo beamed, unable to speak. Madeline Stratton was not known for giving out pats on the back.

  Finally, words came. “Thank you” was all she could muster.

  The mayor winked. “By the way, you stopped just short of the burning at the stake.” She laughed and shook her head. “I appreciate that. I’d hate to get into more trouble with the progressives, who paint me as too far right on the political spectrum as it is. I hate that label. And as you all know around here, I hope, it’s not necessarily accurate. Now, go home and get some rest.”

  Chapter Two

  Drumming her fingers on the steering wheel, Madeline wished for the millionth time that day that she still smoked—or at least that she could sneak one.

  Unfortunately, though, she was deemed a fireball by the media. A no-nonsense woman in a man’s game. And the cameras seemed to find her wherever she went. There would be no sneaking a smoke, just like there would be no letting on that her life was even slightly imperfect.

  “Everyone had secrets.” That’s the motto she had lived by in her younger days, and she still believed it. Everyone had secrets, that is, except for those in the spotlight. Not for very long, anyway. These days she felt like nothing more than a target of the city’s paparazzi, constantly running and ducking beneath the bushes for cover. It was inevitable: one day her baggage would be discovered and displayed all over the Internet, all over the tabloids, like Britney Spears’ crotch had been. Until then, however…

  Madeline glanced at the clock on the dashboard—she was already twenty minutes late. Hanging her head, she was moments from tears. Couldn’t one thing go right? How could her life be circling the drain in such a dramatic, yet furtive fashion?

  Finally, the traffic budged slightly, allowing her to slip off the highway an
d exit. She would have to take a back road to get to the restaurant with a prayer of receiving a small bit of understanding.

  “Please, John, give me a break.” She whispered the words, wishing there was a way to telepathically signal him. She tried his cell one last time. Nothing. Straight to voice mail.

  When she finally arrived, she was an hour late. Scratch that. An hour and seven minutes. She knew there was no way that John would let her forget the extra seven minutes.

  She sighed and slammed the door on her Suburban. When John caught her eye through the restaurant window, she could swear she saw complete indifference in his expression. Hoping for a sign that he still cared, she probed deeper but found nothing.

  It was the look she got every morning over breakfast, the look she got as he pulled his car out of the drive, the look she got as he walked past her each night on the way to his room down the hall. The look that she got everywhere but in the public eye.

  Then, and only then, would he turn on the affection. Under the examining eye of the photographer’s lens, he was Mr. Charming, holding her hand, smiling lovingly at her, twirling her around the dance floor and placing his hand protectively on the small of her back while he led her through a crowd.

  Sometimes she wasn’t sure she could take even one more second of the lies. In the back of her mind, though, she knew it was her only option. Being mayor was not only a dream come true for her, it was what she was meant to do in life. She could make the tough decisions. She was a leader, and at last she was right where she belonged.

  She was a Republican and as such had long known she would need a ring on her left hand to get votes. Her party seemed to think there was something downright scandalous about a single woman being in politics, although she could not figure how anything was more sordid than the sham of a marriage she was parading in front of the press.

  Gracefully, she straightened her shoulders, put on the camera-ready smile she was known for and strode elegantly into the restaurant.

  Our restaurant, she thought. At least it was, once upon a time…

  Where she and John had come on their first date, where he had proposed, where he had taken her to celebrate her election as a city councilor years before, where they had celebrated her mayoral race victory just three short years ago and where she had always envisioned they would celebrate her statewide and even national election wins. Where their dreams had come true and then crumbled. All of it had happened in that corner booth by the window.

  He stood and took her coat. Kissing her on the cheek, he hissed, “Where the hell have you been?”

  She smiled and leaned in for a long, lingering hug. She stole affection whenever possible and knew that he would give it here.

  “Sorry, honey.” Her voice was too chipper, she noticed. She hoped no one else did. Let’s not spoil the show for anyone now.

  “I simply couldn’t get out of the office until late. We’re planning for the unveiling of the new education plan, you know?”

  As if scripted, he smiled perfectly. “I’m just glad you’re here now.”

  He directed her to her seat, always a gentleman.

  “I’ve already put in our order.” He smiled at the waiter as he walked past. “Good old Geoff here always remembers your order.”

  She smiled at Geoff, hoping it would calm the waves of pain surging through her heart. Was this what they had become? Were they really just two strangers—people who once knew each other who now could only talk in public?

  They talked animatedly over wine, which she limited to one glass. Never let the public see you weak, single or drunk was a rule she stuck to hard and fast. It was all a show, and, though she hated to admit it, they were becoming very skilled at acting in it.

  For a moment or two, she allowed herself to wish that it were real. To wish with all she had that, even for an evening, she’d see that smile of his cast in her direction in the dark, loveless halls of their home.

  But as soon as dinner was over they walked arm in arm out to the parking lot.

  He kissed her on the check tersely.

  “I’ll see you at home?” she asked hopefully, longing to extend the show of harmony into something less public.

  “That’s none of your business,” he hissed back so low that anyone watching from the restaurant or parking lot would have no chance of hearing.

  “John?” Her voice came out sounding like a plea, and she cursed herself for showing weakness yet again. She was always too soft where he was concerned.

  His smile was perfect, but there was no disputing the fact that their discussion was over when he whispered, “Have a good night.”

  So that was it. She’d drive home alone and climb into an empty bed, where she’d toss and turn and wonder where he went when he didn’t come home. She hated it when he slept in the room down the hall, but at least then he was home.

  She exhaled loudly once in the safety of her vehicle.

  “It’s over.”

  It was the first time she’d allowed herself to actually speak the words, although she had thought them for a long time.

  “It’s over,” she repeated as the tears began to fall.

  Glancing toward the restaurant, she realized she was being watched from the windows of the restaurant by other patrons. It was time to go. She put the Suburban in gear and drove away, to the one place she could fall apart without being in the public eye.

  Chapter Three

  The wind whipped around outside, driving torrents of rain against the bedroom window. Lightning crackled and thunder boomed. The heater clicked on, doing its best, but fighting a losing battle against the cold that was seeping in. On a street somewhere in the distance a siren wailed.

  Jo sighed heavily and moved Jaws off her feet. She had a lot on her mind, and Oklahoma’s blustery October weather wasn’t helping. She doubted anyone in the tri-state area was getting any sleep. They knew all too well that such winds could be portents of much more ominous weather. She checked the time. It was going on four a.m. The one thing she longed for—a deep, peaceful slumber—was clearly not going to happen. As she rose from the bed, Jaws peered out from under the covers, both confused and irritated to have been woken.

  She lovingly patted him on the head, thankful that at least one of them was unbothered by the crazy weather of this area. “I’m sorry, buddy. Go back to sleep.”

  He wiggled out of sight, nestling back into the covers. At least one of them would be getting some rest.

  Normally, Jo slept through even raging winds. In Oklahoma, nights like tonight were a dime a dozen. But she had been awake long before the storm hit.

  As she began to prepare herself a cup of tea, the dream that had woken her earlier came back to haunt her. It was a simple dream, but it had unnerved her. Even though she wished the image would go away, she knew that every time she closed her eyes, it would visit her again.

  Jo shook her head, trying to make her memory an Etch A Sketch. In search of distraction, she grabbed her BlackBerry. Even though it was four in the morning, maybe there was something she could work on until it was time for work.

  She unlocked the screen. There was something happening today, Jo thought, as she looked at the date. She wracked her brain until it came to her. When it did, she wanted to cry.

  Columbus Day, a federal holiday. The office would be closed today.

  She scrolled through her inbox. Nothing pressing.

  She had to get out of the house. Days off of work meant time alone, something she increasingly disliked.

  It may be true that no man is an island, but I think at least one woman is, Jo thought.

  As if hearing her silent plea for company, Jaws stumbled into the kitchen. She scooped him into her arms and kissed his fluffy head. “Want to come to work with Mommy today?”

  He licked her cheek as if in reply. Her heart swelled with love, then plummeted. That was the most genuine affection she had felt in months. The emptiness of her little apartment reverberated off the walls, coming ba
ck at her, reminding her constantly that she was all alone.

  An hour later, dressed in her favorite pair of ripped, faded jeans and a simple red sweatshirt, she strode into the office, Jaws in tow. The storm had blown through, but, as she had expected, the place was deserted. Anyone in their right mind would be at home, fast asleep and planning to relax all day.

  She settled at her desk. Jaws laid down at her feet, preparing to finish the night’s sleep that had been taken from him. Now she could breathe easier. She had her computer, her cup of coffee and her favorite companion snuggled at her feet, and she could find tasks to keep her busy.

  She booted up her computer and, opening her Brandi Carlile station on Pandora, let the sultry sound of a bluesy, folk song take her away. She leaned back in her chair and began to sing. Her voice, deep and sensual, hit all the right notes, rising and falling to the perfect rhythm. It felt good to sing. She hadn’t done so in a while.

  She closed her eyes and let the music take her to a place where things like love and happiness weren’t a myth. To a place where it wasn’t all about one-night stands and secrets. In her mind, she saw the silhouette of two beautiful women, kissing openly on a starlit street, sharing a love that went beyond the bedroom. Then, from out of nowhere, appeared the haunted blue eyes from her dream.

  The image brought her out of her daydream, out of her song, and sat her straight up at her desk.

  “That was beautiful.”

  Jo yelped, caught off guard by the voice emanating from one of the side offices.

  A deep laugh rang through the office, followed by the sound of footsteps.

  “Oh…um…hi,” Jo said as Mayor Stratton came into view.

  “Good morning to you as well.” The mayor was obviously amused.

  Jo stuttered and stammered, trying to put together an intelligent sentence. Not only was she embarrassed to have screamed in front of a boss whom she assumed already found her inexperienced, but the eyes she was staring deeply into were the ones she had seen in her dream. Eyes that held the same expression as the ones that stared blankly back at her from her mirror each morning. Eyes that were haunted, guarded and beautifully sad.